Land of the Living
by Ponderosa Dreamer
Summary: Ever wonder what might have happened if Adam had returned to the Ponderosa years later?


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Land of the Living

His attention was riveted on the town as the train chugged into the station. Virginia City had certainly changed in the last seven years! Buildings of brick and stone had replaced many of the ramshackle wood-and-canvas structures that he remembered. The streets were busy, as they had been before, but were those gas street lights that he'd spotted? Well, he couldn't expect the town to stay frozen in time, could he? The conductor marched down the aisle. "End of the line, folks! This is Virginia City."

Adam Cartwright stretched as he stood. Even this railroad line that he'd just ridden was new. When he'd switched trains at Reno, which he still thought of as Lake's Crossing, someone had told him that the Virginia & Truckee had only opened the line to Virginia City last month.

Stepping down from the car, Adam wondered yet again if he should have wired his family to let them know he was coming. He had wanted to surprise them, but some small part of him was wondering about the sort of reception he'd receive. There had been hard words and hurt feelings on all sides when he'd left...no! He wasn't going to dwell on that. Things had changed in seven years; _he'd_ changed! He wasn't the bitter, angry man who'd ridden out so many years ago.

Yes, Virginia City was the end of the line, in more ways than one. He silently renewed his determination to repair the rift that had kept him away from his family for far too long.

Adam bought a copy of the _Enterprise_ from the newsstand in the station, and glanced down at the headlines. A fight between some miners, rumors about the fortunes of the various mines. It was nice to see that some things never changed. The date on the paper caught his eye. Wednesday, September 18, 1872. The first day of the rest of my life, he thought to himself.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the glass as he left the station and wondered for a moment if anyone would recognize this eastern city dude with hair starting to go gray. He grinned at the thought. He hadn't been away _that _long!

He stopped short at the sight of a black-and-white pinto tethered outside the Silver Dollar. Could that be Cochise? He walked up to the horse, speaking softly. "Hi there, remember me?" The animal blinked once and looked away, disinterested. Adam frowned slightly as he checked the brand and saddle. This was his brother's horse, all right, but Cochise acted as if he were a total stranger. He supposed that horses might not remember a person after so long, but it was unsettling.

He pushed the disquiet from his mind and strode into the saloon, looking around. Joe stood at the bar, still with that low-slung left-handed holster and that same old green jacket, sipping a beer. He looked older, but that was to be expected. What surprised Adam was how his skinny little brother had filled out. Adam realized with a shock that Joe had more gray in his hair than he did. Wonder how he got away with growing it that long, Adam mused as he stepped up behind him.

"Might have known that I'd find you lollygagging in town, instead of out doing some real work!" Adam grinned as he teased his brother.

Joe turned, a puzzled look on his face. "I'm sorry. Do I know you?" He showed no trace of recognition.

"Joe! It's me, Adam!" Adam should have figured that his little brother would josh him right back.

"Sorry, friend. You must have me mixed up with someone else." Joe downed the rest of his beer and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "See ya later, Cosmo." He waved to the bartender and headed out the door.

Adam stood rooted to the floor in shock. Didn't Joe know him? The bartender was speaking to him.

"I said, can I get ya somethin'?" The bartender stared at him impatiently.

"Uh, no. No thanks." Adam was trying to make sense of Joe's reaction. It had to be a joke! It wasn't like Joe to carry a grudge that long. Besides, if he were still angry at Adam, he'd have said so, right out, in no uncertain terms. Or he'd have decked Adam as soon as he saw him. But not even acknowledging him as his brother? That wasn't Joe! Adam followed Joe out the door.

Joe was riding Cochise and holding the reins of another horse outside the schoolhouse. A red-haired boy in his early teens bounded up to him, mounted the other horse, then the two of them rode off together. Adam stared after them. Who was _that?_

Adam returned to the Silver Dollar. When he ordered a beer, the bartender asked, "Find who you were lookin' for, mister?"

Adam sighed and shook his head. "No." Apparently Cosmo didn't remember him, either. He sat at a table and contemplated his next move. After a few minutes, he approached the bar.

"That fellow I spoke to earlier, that was Joe Cartwright of the Ponderosa, wasn't it?"

Cosmo nodded, "Yep, sure was." He continued wiping the glasses.

Adam leaned over the bar. "Take a good look at me. Have you ever seen me before?"

The bartender regarded him carefully. "Nope, can't recall that I have."

"Are you sure? It's been a lot of years."

Cosmo shook his head. "Sorry, mister. I don't recollect ever meetin' ya before." He moved off down the bar. Adam took the hint and returned to his beer.

Back on the street, Adam headed toward where he remembered the livery stable to be, then stopped, confused. This part of town had changed a great deal, and where he remembered the livery, a store now sat. He stopped a random passer-by. "Excuse me. Could you tell me where I might rent a horse?" 

"There's a livery up a block, on the next street over." The man pointed out the direction.

"Thanks." Adam started walking up the street. Looking around as he walked, he just couldn't shake the feeling that this was somehow all wrong. Of course, he should have expected the town to change in seven years, and he had heard, even in the east, that Virginia City had boomed. But something didn't seem to fit, and it was bothering him that he couldn't put his finger on it.

His sense of unease persisted as he rode the familiar road to the Ponderosa. He remembered these sights; he knew this road like the back of his hand! He wondered if Joe might have had some sort of accident affecting his memory. That kid was always accident-prone. A spill from a green horse, one too many fights, perhaps. Cosmo hadn't remembered him, either, but it _had _been a long time, and he surely didn't remember every customer who walked through the doors.

Adam grinned when he saw the large figure in the corral as he rode into the yard. Good old Hoss! Hoss looked up and walked over to the fence as Adam dismounted.

"Howdy. Can I help ya?" Hoss's smile was as friendly as ever, but there was no hint that he was greeting a brother he hadn't seen in seven years.

Adam stopped in his tracks, his grin fading. "Hoss, don't you know me?"

Hoss got the puzzled expression that Adam knew so well. "No. Am I supposed to?"

Adam stepped up to the fence, letting Hoss get a closer look at him. "I'm Adam, your older brother." He was starting to get angry. "What's going on around here, anyway?"

Hoss backed off a step. "I don't know where you got that notion. I got two brothers, but they're both younger'n me. You sure you ain't just a little confused?"

Adam recognized that look. Hoss really didn't know him, and thought he might be "tetched." Adam was starting to wonder, himself. "Look, is Ben Cartwright here? I'm sure he can explain all this."

Hoss shook his head. "He'll be back later. I'll let him know you stopped by, Mr.... Say, what is your name, anyway?"

"It's Adam." Adam climbed up on the livery horse, then turned back to Hoss. "I'll be back later. I need to find out what this is all about."

Hoss called out, "Good luck, mister," as Adam rode off.

Adam rode without really paying attention to where he was going, just knowing that he didn't want to admit defeat and go back to Virginia City. He needed to see Pa, to have him make some sense out of all this. His mind refused to deal with the possibility that his father wouldn't recognize him, either.

Instinct drove him to the high country. He had always found comfort here when something was troubling him, and he soon found himself riding along the shore of Lake Tahoe. At least this hadn't changed! He slid from the saddle and tied the reins to a nearby shrub.

Adam sat on the small beach and reflected on his present circumstances. Why didn't his brothers remember him? Why had he tried to come back? Why had he even left in the first place?

The last question was, perhaps, the hardest of all to answer. Leaving had seemed like the right thing to do at the time. His differences with Pa and his brothers had been becoming more and more frequent and divisive, and the arguments were louder and more bitter each day, it had seemed. Finally, Adam had felt that his best course of action was to simply leave, for the good of everyone.

They had kept in touch, at first. Stilted, polite letters that carefully avoided the reasons that he was not there with them. The letters gradually became less frequent, until they finally stopped altogether.

But surely Pa wouldn't have been so harsh as to erase all memory of his existence from his brothers' minds, even if it could have been done! And Hoss and Joe had seemed genuinely ignorant of who he was, not just refusing to acknowledge him. Even Pa wasn't capable of that!

Adam picked up a pebble and skipped it out over the water. He wasn't going to get any answers just sitting here. He rose and retrieved his mount, turning the animal's nose back in the direction of the Ponderosa.

Some impulse urged Adam to tie his horse behind the barn, rather than riding into the yard. He heard voices inside the barn, his father's deep voice, and Hoss and Joe replying to him. He heard another, much younger voice, as well, the cracking, unsteady voice of an adolescent. Something made him unwilling to confront them just yet, and he silently stole into the house.

He made his way up the familiar stairs, to the room that had been his for so many years. Opening the door, he stared in shock and amazement. Where was his desk, his books, everything that he'd left behind? Even his guitar was gone! This was too much!

"Hey! What're you doing in my room?" demanded the squeaky voice that he'd heard in the barn.

Adam whirled to confront the red-haired kid that ridden away from the schoolhouse with Joe. "Who are you?" Adam retorted.

"I'm Jamie Cartwright, and that's my stuff you're pawing through!" The boy turned toward the door. "Hey, Pa! There's some guy in my room!"

Joe burst through the door, gun in hand. "You again! You're the one from the saloon who thought he knew me. Okay, downstairs, now! We'll let my father decide what to do with you."

Adam couldn't help a grin at the irony of his situation. Being escorted downstairs at gunpoint, in his own home, by his own brother!

He crossed the living room to where Ben was standing, and said the words he'd been longing to say for so long now. "Pa, I'm home."

Ben looked from Adam's face to Hoss and Joe, then regarded Adam with sympathy in his eyes. "I'm sorry, boy. I don't know who you are, but this isn't your home."

Adam's world shattered around him. The one thing he'd always been able to count on, even through the bad years, was his Pa. "How can you say that? I'm your oldest son! I know we've had our problems, Pa, but how can you not even admit that I'm your son?" He voice had risen until he was yelling. 

Adam rushed to the desk where the familiar pictures sat. He picked up one and waved it at Ben. "This is my mother! She died when I was born. Don't any of you remember me?"

A pained expression crossed Ben's face. "That's enough! Elizabeth died before we had any children. I'm not sure what kind of game you're playing, mister, but you're no son of mine! Now, get out of my house!" 

Hoss gripped Adam's arm and shoved him towards the door. "You heard my Pa. Get out of here and don't come back." 

Adam stood on the porch for a moment, unable to move, unable to even think. "You're no son of mine!" Those words had hurt more than Adam thought possible. Still numb, he stumbled to where he'd tied the horse.

He rode blindly, letting the horse have his head. Adam had no idea where he was going, and didn't really care. All he could hear was his father's voice ringing with that awful phrase, "You're no son of mine!"

Adam was taken off guard when the horse stumbled, and found himself on the ground, unable to move. As the darkness closed in on him, his final thought was, "Maybe it's better this way. There's no place for me here. There's no place for me anywhere."



Adam groaned. His head was splitting, and his throat was parched. He felt a hand on his forehead.

"Adam? Easy son. Don't try to talk." Ben leaned over his son, concern and relief in his eyes.

Adam opened his eyes carefully. "Pa?" His voice was barely a croak.

"Here, a little water will help." Ben propped Adam up slightly and held a glass to his lips, letting him sip the water slowly. He eased Adam back down onto the pillow.

Adam stared around his room, the room that he remembered. "How...how did I get back here?"

"Your brothers found you and brought you in. Looks like that new horse spooked and threw you." Ben sat back in the chair where he'd spent the last two nights.

"My br...brothers? Pa, you know me? You know who I am!" Adam struggled to sit up.

Ben jumped forward to restrain him. "Lie back! The doctor said you're to stay put until he says otherwise!" Once Adam relaxed, Ben perched on the side of the bed. "Of course I know you. I'd hardly be likely to forget my own son." 

Adam had to fight back a wave of emotion at his father's words. "You have no idea how good that sounds! Pa, this might sound crazy, but what year is it?"

"What? It's 1865, son. You haven't been out that long!" Ben wondered what kind of damage Adam had done in that fall.

Adam smiled slightly. "How long was I out?"

"A couple of days. You gave us a pretty good scare, but Paul says you'll be fine. Something about 'that hard Cartwright head,'" Ben chuckled.

A soft knock was followed by the door popping open to admit Joe carrying a tray. Hoss was right on his heels.

Joe grinned at the sight of Adam awake and alert. "Thought I heard voices in here. Welcome back to the land of the living, older brother. Now if you want to stay here, you better eat everything Hop Sing sent up!"

"Yeah, if he gets hold of ya, there's no tellin' how long you'll be laid up, and we're gettin' tired of doin' your chores!" Hoss declared with a laugh.

Adam looked around at his family, drinking in the sight of them. "It's sure good to be home."

— End —


End file.
